Tempus Fugit!
The time does fly, All Souls Night (Halloween) is a big deal for me, as a pagan it represents for me the new year, the turning of the great wheel of life, as well as having quite a number of very significant and deeply personal meanings for me. In addition to being the night when the veil between the world of the living and the world of the spirits is at its thinnest, it also happens to be my late Mother's birthday, AND the day when my Paternal Grandmother passed away just a year ago, and I severed ties with my Father and his Family yet again, and became an Orphan myself.

So many changes...
and as I reflect back, and watch my garden burst into life and my six month old twins grow and discover the world as well, I look back on the very chaotic maelstrom of events of the last year and marvel at the way life happens to and arround us. The family that I've acquired and created, the family that I lost, and the very difficult and indescribably painful sacrifices that were demanded to trade one life for another... this time of my own design. I look at my children and all this new life arround me, my Doberman puppy Dakira licking my daughter's face, Florian the stray cat sleeping on the window sil with my son watching his fluffy orange tail flicking back and forth, the blue and black horses in the pasture where you can see the emerald green mountains, the jungles and the blue ocean on the horizon... the song of a rooster and the bustling of his hens and my peacocks, and the ocasional splash as one of the longfin butterfly koi breaks the surface of the water as the swans dreamily float by... the warmth and dewy wetness on my golden skin as rays of sunlight peek through the courtains of clouds and trees... I feel myself relax and breathe again... and then I sink suddenly inside myself as my siamese twin known as SORROW makes her presence felt.

There is indeed a great tragedy that my mother never got to see me make this transition, she didnt live long enough to see me become a mother myself, and how terribly cheated I feel that my own children will never get to meet her, or know the simple joy of following her laughter... I boought some of her perfume a couple days ago and wore it on her birthday, knowing that I wanted to, but not realizing just how much it would effect me to smell her again, and how as the notes of that perfume processed in my mind I closed my eyes and could almost hear the unbridled joy of her laughter once more. Then the sun is lost behind the branches of the Banyan and weeping cherries twined and the soft sweet fragrance of Brugmansia, Datura, and Callonyction... my "heavenly moonflower project", bring me back into the present.

Yes, so many many new things growing, and how vigorously they do so... watching them expand at a geometric rate, so agressive and prodigious is this new growth stage that I cant help but hear my own laughter echo across the room, and know that my life is still filled with laughter and joy.

And speaking of the new growth, I have felt myself slowly unlocking and began to flirt with the idea of interacting with the world outside of my little utopia once more. I entered a contest, and in the process of entering and competing, found myself reconnecting with that old piece of me I had forgotten and somewhat neglected these last few years. I also got to test out some of my new skills and saw them come togehter in a way that make sme smile to realize that the new growth isnt just happening arround me, it is comming from within as well! Much like the Wisteria specimen I have found myself bonded to, I sort of went dormant for quite a long time, I cant help but laugh how how parallel I am to this plan, which only really comes into its full brilliance and blooms after significant trauma, it is begining to revive and so it seems am I as well.

SO to keep with this theme of agressive growth, I have made a decision to listen to several of my friends and clients as well as DA watchers, and do a few tutorials. I am making no promises as to when they will be done, because I have so many projects going, but one of my lifes greatest joys has always been watching other people discover things they didnt realize they had and acquiure new skills and discover how to use them to come into fruition in their own ways... I have always loved teaching, whether it be training dogs and horses (and birds) or my clients in how to get the most out of their animals (I teach horsemanship as well as horses) and bodies (I also teach Dance, stretching, and Rhythmic gymnastics) and lives... I figure why not help people discover their own art... so many people ask me to teach them how to draw, paint and sculpt (or make jewelry), why not do some more tutorials? I have flirted with the idea before (I have a progressional on intuitive profile of the human face). so I think I am going to give it another go.

Of course I need to post here to remind myself that you cant really TEACH someone to draw, you guide them how to discover it WITHIN THEMSELVES. I cant just download my knowledge and insight, I can only show you the door... it is up to YOU to walk through it. (this has also been a source of great frustration for me, becuase many of my clients want me to do it all for them, and well, I can teach your horse to dance, but if you want the horse to dance for you, YOU have to commit to learning how to do it also! I can show you the road, I can walk with you along side it and help you along the way, but YOU have to make the journey yourself! those of you who know my horse theatre work or have hit my personal blog will know what I am speaking of here)

Anyway, first up will be "Dynamic Positioning" for those who have trouble with comming up with something visually interesting for your creations to be doing! Its one of those WIP deals... I'll get it done slowly, because like anyone who has witnessed my creative process knows, my advanced case of ADD makes me work on 20 things and once (I go thorugh a sketchbook a week, because I will spend about five to ten minutes on one idea then flip the page and start another, then eventually flip back and work on it some more... so I have this sort of kenetic frenzy of activity happening as part of the way I create my stuff. Its good times

Long journal entry... but to my visitors and watchers, help remind me that there is a demand for this sort of thing, just dont get too insistant because... my whole Xtina Agulera effect blog should point out that just because you like some thing I may be doing does not mean YOU are entitled to own it or DEMAND that I OWE it to you... that kind of stepping over boundaries and invading my personal space, as assuming that a total stranger's demands are more important to me than all the other things I have going on in my life sort of pushes my bitch button. Just consider that I am a very busy girl with a life of my own that is very very full as it is, and then we should get along pretty well over the whole thing. I usually have a good sense of humor about this stuff.

Well thats my current happenings between my ears. There will be some more stuff, and probably several updates to older stuff comming soon, and as always, this is INTERACTIVE so feel free to converse with me about any of it if you feel so inclined, now go forth and create the world you wish it could be!
Ta then...


Lady Ka'iulani Kai